It has seemed apparent that it has been a dark time for my confidence, but I have made changes in the recent weeks that are slowly resulting in a better me. My first mistake was considering my self worth to be synonymous with outer appearance. We are amazing beings, with the ability to accomplish the impossible if we allow ourselves to do so. I have been blessed with abilities, ambition, imagination, wanderlust, the capacity to love, and endless wonder, yet I judged myself by the very least important aspect of who I am.
Beautiful has another meaning when I am placing another person. Before, I was offended at being described by traits that weren't skin deep. Society made it unfortunate to be called the Funny girl, or "A really kind, talented person." As if those things held less worth than having a petite nose or a sculpted jawline. It is more than appearance that allows me to decide if I find someone attractive. Their kindness, sense of humor, or talent to name a few. When asked if I thought a certain funny celebrity was attractive in the most literal sense, I actually had to stop and really think about it, never quite coming to a conclusion because their work and sense of humor was such a delight to me. I didn't pick apart their features, naming which ones were desirable and which were not. I want to be critiqued like that, and I want to critique myself that way. I could go on for hours naming what I do not like about myself, but why when those things will one day be considered gone as I age?
A large part of my insecurity grew as I fought for acceptance from those who made me feel inferior. A mess of twisted thoughts and hypothetical situations flooded my mind each time I didn't feel good enough; When I'm more attractive, when I'm successful, when I make more money, then I'll show them. Truth is, if I'm not good enough now, I'll never be, and they don't deserve anymore of my energy. Why I traded in my dorky, carefree self for a dull, bitter version, I'll never know. I want to surround myself with people who exude happiness and make everyone around them feel beautiful. Furthermore, I want to be more like those people, because they are the best kind of people.
This manifesto is for myself, beautiful rules to live by. I will look at beautiful in a new way, not something limited to conventional, but something that encompasses us all in the most beautiful world, and what we contribute and put back into it. I will see a woman's beauty in the adoring look on her husband's face, or the happiness of her children as proof of her sacrifices. I will see a creator's radiance in the vulnerability of their work, as they invite me into the most personal corners of their mind, to view life as they do for a moment. I will take better care of my body to be healthy and stronger. I will apply makeup for that extra spring in my step or extra armor when I need to feel good for the day. I will be a better version of myself, because I don't and won't fit in a body type. I will be more understanding to myself and others. I will put more of an effort into finding other's beauty. And I won't allow others to define my own.
Here are some things I find my own beauty in// My sense of humor, how much I care about things, when my husband looks at me with pride, natural abilities, learning from others, being genuine. There are many traits we can find when we don't limit our beauty to our appearance. What makes you feel beautiful?