The Music // Video

When I started dating my boyfriend, I stopped singing. (Publicly, that is.) I had a tough year, and my self confidence was sent through a shredder. On top of it all, I was introduced once again to the technical side of music through choir, and it made me really insecure because my singing was personal and raw. I was born with it, not taught. I pushed my voice to do what I wanted it to do, but I couldn't wrap my mind around the technical aspects of it all. Three piano lessons proved that..

But when I look at the point from where I was to where I am now, it's crazy. My junior high years were spent putting on little concerts with and for friends, singing in the school hallways, even "performing" Mariah Carey to students in awe. My freshman year was singing in parking lots, exchanging recordings with friends, and being pulled into stranger's (To me) cars to sing when my friends wanted them to hear. It was natural, there were nerves, but not like now. The video above was filmed over a year ago, and my nerves were on an insane level of bad, and I held back where I would belt it, when I'm on my own. It's extremely scary, and definitely my weakest spot. My singing is so important to me, but I refuse to go out on a limb with it anymore. It's scary to wonder if I'm supposed to be doing something in music, but I hold myself back. What my fear comes down to is this new mindset I've gained about not being good enough because I don't have the technical aspects nailed down. Even as a hobby, my music is too much a part of me to stop altogether. I really, really hope to gain some courage back and to show more (fearless) music here. (Hopefully less awkward stances and faces in the future..haha.)